What other people think
Presently going through another psychological healing process, as the latest go-around in my everquest to fix myself (or pay others to fix me). One of the really great things about it is that it’s only three sessions, based on deprogramming the amygdala. With Ray Lewis:
After the second session I had the most amazing experience: I remember sitting here in front of the computer doing something and thinking, “You know, I could give a fig for anything anybody ever thinks of me.” The feeling was awe-inspiring, one of total freedom, one that I had never felt before. I could do or say or be or think or want anything, anything at all, and there was nobody to stop me, no opinion that could ever hurt my brave cause.
The feeling didn’t last. Us low self-esteem types are dependent on the good opinions of others to gain any value at all, so I glommed back on to the ol’ please like me effect pretty quick. But it was cool while it lasted.
This morning I awoke from an ancient dream of desperate lack, and the old feeling of really, really, really caring what other people think of me was very strong. As I sat and pondered why, I realized it’s not truly other people I’m worried about – it’s the other people inside me. From infancy onward I’ve internalized the bad opinions of others, until I have a big crowd of bullies in there, browbeating me with great glee.
They have no existence, other than what I give them. Beware the others inside you.
Freedom forever!
LWIII
I just went to DM you something in Twitter, but it looks like something is odd – on my screen I have no followers, nor do I follow anyone, ditto with you. Hmph. Will try later. It’s nothing I want to post publicly.
Boy that Twitter sure is glitchy. You’d think they would get it ironed out eventually, since they’ve been bad for so long, but it makes you wonder. Thanks for trying to get in touch, FG. Hoping for later.
Later has arrived.
Oh, I think Twitter is pretty darned cool. How else would I be able to even you you’re on the planet, let alone follow you?
Twitter is fabulous, I agree. I like it so much more than Facebook I can’t say. But their technical glitches are legendary, and you’d think they would have figured them out by now. At least I would, but I’m not that familiar with the problems they face.
Dear Diamond
I seem to remember a man I came across on Twitter who inspired me to write an early story on my blog about a Diamond In The Dirt.
I recognise most of what you have written above. Shame you can’t like yourself as much as others do. Funny (not ha ha) thing about sensitive people, playing those negative tapes, right when it’s never helpful.
Aw TP, my Da adored me, my Ma didn’t. Ha! good days I listen to him, bad days I listen to her.
Start listening to me…I think you are just an all round blimmin’ good guy.
Hey perhaps we could have an internal bully swap shop…like hey i’ll trade you my Domestic Science teacher what you got??
Smashing post, as always looking forward to your next.
Pammy x
Thanks Pammy! I like myself okay sometimes and that’s good enough for me. People who like themselves too darn much can be a pain in the ass.
I know I like you!
There’s just something about you, Tom, that makes me know, I’ll always adore you …
Banish those bullies. Here’s to “Freedom Forever!”
With Love,
~Pamala
Well gosh Pamala, sure is sweet of you to say. Same back at ya. Thanks & much love to you too.