The Church of Absolute Unity
I was in Scientology for about a year, in the seventies of the last century. Don’t want to say anything bad about them or they’ll send their insane killer robots after me, so I won’t.
But one thing that experience did was give me was the idea to invent my own religion. So I did. Called it The Church of Absolute Unity. As founder and sole member I was pretty much free to do what I wanted with it. The main thing I didn’t want was converts. I just wanted to have my own religion, not practice it or anything, like everybody else. Sweet, huh?
After all these decades, I’m thinking of starting up a membership drive, so will touch on some of the highlights of our beloved church. If you want to belong, you just say “okay!” We only meet on Blurgsday, which happens once every million years, so you won’t have to miss any games.
Our Credo: Everybody is Everywhere All the Time
It is recommended members memorize that, but you don’t have to. Also, you have to be nice once in a while, but if you can’t manage that, nevermind. Singing and dancing included, if you want. Guess that’s about it.
Enjoy!
LWIII
Thank you for including singing and dancing. I’ll be at the next meeting…
You’re welcome, Jeanette, and thank you. I’ll see you there!
Oi…
okay!
Well, you’re the first official member of our church besides our beloved founder. Thank you Pirjo, that is so cool that it’s you! Hope you enjoy being a member of a church that doesn’t make you do or believe anything. Though we do recommend that you love and admire yourself. If you’re not up for that I’ll do it for you.
xoxo!
I would have gladly joined but since singing and dancing are allowed or even included, unfortunately I cannot. It’s uncool!, imho, and probably in the opinion of members of my highschool of 40+ years ago if they are still alive. Couldn’t risk that if I would even want to.
Oh psahw, just when I though I had you figured out – that you don’t use irony or satire unless in emergencies – here you go and say this. You don’t strike me as one to care about coolness, Ron, so I’m guessing you’re kidding.
There are no punishments in our religion, other than those handed out by the universe in general, such as when you screw up you have to pay for it. Leave the milk out, it goes sour, etc. So not joining is also encouraged, though we’ll miss you at the service in a million years.
Thanks Ron and have a good one!